It came to my attention today that the folks at “Rock The Vote” have started a new ad campaign that consists of clips supposedly showing how us old folks (I’m 53, by the way) think and how horrible it is that we actually get to vote. They are trying to get that vaunted “youth vote” to show up and cancel out us old codgers that vote for things like traditional values, self-sufficiency, national defense, and economic sanity. So instead they sponsor a strawman-laced set of videos/ads that make them and their “constituency” look like the spoiled brats they are.
So in the spirit of responding to this new ad campaign, I would like to offer the following script for MY ad campaign: “THANK God They Don’t Vote – Let’s Keep It That Way”
(in walks a 22-yr-old recent college grad, trudging down a stairway)
Hey, brah. I’m on my back to crash at my Mom’s, get a nap. I was at the Starbucks – nah, I don’t work there, I hang out there, only I was late because I slept in and didn’t get up until 2pm. Too much beer pong at the bar last night, you know? Sure, we all live at home because we haven’t found the perfect jobs yet that we absolutely love, but when you have to go there, they have to take you in, right? Stupid student loans: if it’s so important, college should be FREE. Not that it’s great: Dad wants me to work on the yard, but that’s dumb. I gotta spend that time thinking about getting a job. … Besides, I got yoga. That time with my yoga coach Tina is what’s keeping me sane. And there aren’t any jobs out there anyway worth gettting. I got a degree, ya know? Stupid George Bush, It’s because of him nobody wants to hire a guy who majored in Peace Studies, which is a really, really useful thing, right?Gotta go, man, but before: you got another one of those beers? Great. You got two?
(college grad shuts the door, screen fades. Text fills the screen: “THANK GOD HE DOESN’T VOTE”)
(If I had some film skills, I’d actually make an ad like this)
Now it’s not that I want to keep these people from pulling the voting lever, …read more